My Elephant

I recently heard an interview with Lewis Howes, of "The School of Greatness", with Price Pritchett, where they discussed why it's more valuable to stop negative thinking instead of just trying to think positively. He uses the analogy that if you have dirty water, and you add clean water to it, it's still going to be dirty, so we need to remove the more challenging thoughts first to have more pure and clean energy.

There will always be the little voice of self-doubt and insecurity that we will all experience to some degree or another, from time to time, no matter how much growth, expansion and healing we have done. Thinking positive seems like such an obvious choice, however, when we are in these low perspective places, trying to change our mindset to optimistic thinking can seem impossible. I mean, let's be real, if we had the ability to think positively, WE WOULD BE! (haha) So when I saw this story, it got me thinking. What if in those moments, we just stopped the negative thinking instead of trying to replace them with positive thoughts? What would that even look like?

This question reminded me of an analogy of stopping the momentum of a train. If it's on the track going 100mph, you can't just change directions from negative to positive, so how do we at least begin to slow down the train? I can visualize and understand the concept when I am balanced and regulated but when I need to show up for myself during the difficult times, it can seem unfathomable that I will be able to see any perspective other than the distorted story I am experiencing in that moment. I pondered this concept for a while and realized, what if I just think about something totally random as almost a pattern breaker? I thought to myself, what is something neutral with no memory, emotion or opinion attached to it and the first image that popped into my head was an elephant.

I began to practice this new technique I created for myself and am so happy to report that I have had incredible results!! As soon as I notice myself beginning to trail into an unproductive, low vibration thought pattern, I just, close my eyes and in my head say elephant while I begin to visualize my elephant. I notice as many details about it as possible but at least 5. The roughness of the skin, the whiskers on its face, the ears flapping, the powerful yet gentle and versatile trunk. By the time I am done listing the 5 qualities, I often don't even remember the original negative thought that got me thinking of my beloved elephant.

“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”

~ Shirley MacLaine

What we give our attention to, grows and a belief is nothing more than a thought we think over and over again so what if we stopped putting so much pressure on ourselves to do a complete 180 with nothing but positive happy thoughts and saw this experience for what it is? It is an opportunity for us to notice that we have the power to choose that we will no longer carry the same beliefs and thought patterns that have weighted us down and held us back. Here and now, we choose different. Imagine that all you have to do is practice stopping that train, not jump off or turn it around, just gradually slowing it down, one thought at a time. Just like in meditation, every time our thoughts and focus begin to wander, we simple notice with love and non-judgement, then think of our "elephant" and bring our minds back to the present moment. With this simple action, we are allowing space for our mindset to shift and our neurological pathways to redesign.

After a few weeks of this, because I am so into spiritual symbolism, I decided to look up what the elephant represents, and this is what I found.

• Strength and power: In many African cultures, elephants are revered as symbols of strength and power.

• Loyalty: Elephants are known for their tight family bonds and loyalty.

• Wisdom: Elephants represent wisdom gained through experience and the ability to make sound decisions.

• Patience and endurance: Elephants are associated with patience, endurance, and steady progress.

• Kindness and empathy: Elephants are known for their gentle and compassionate nature, emphasizing kindness, empathy, and nurturing relationships.

• Connection and acceptance: Elephants can represent connection and acceptance with family and can be seen as a reminder to stay connected with family and friends even when apart.

• Luck and prosperity: Elephants are a symbol of luck and prosperity.

• Knowledge and academic success: Elephants can symbolize knowledge and academic success.

• Intelligent leadership: Elephants facing out on your work desk can symbolize intelligent leadership, poise under pressure, and cautiousness.

• God's power and wisdom: In the Bible, elephants symbolize God's power and wisdom, and their ivory tusks highlight abundance and wealth.

I feel even more happy with my random choice of diversion and have even begun coming up with designs for my next tattoo so that I can have the visual reminder.

If you are anything like me, and hold yourself to a high standard, it can be really challenging to allow and accept those moments of struggle and discomfort but over the last few months, I have begun to welcome this practice and experience as my teacher and guide. I find myself feeling less pressure because I know in any moment the stillness and peace of my elephant is always there waiting to bring me back to my center.

I am also finding the phrase "we'll see" so much more comforting and attainable when my only objective is to find the nothingness in that simple moment. Allow the space and pause that my elephant provides. Simply being. Not doing, pushing, healing, growing, or manifesting. Just the stillness of the ordinary yet extraordinary present moment where all potential lies. That breath between what is and what could be. And then from that clean, clear place, we make a choice and take our first step towards love, not fear.

All the love,

Pamela

Nothingness

The space between the doing, the making, the thinking and even the being. It is the moment before the inhale an after the exhale. This "being in the gap" can feel like an eternity. Shunyata ~ Osho describes it as "no-thingness". "It is vibrant with all possibilities. It is potential, absolute potential. It is unmanifest yet, but it contains all. In the beginning is nature, in the end is nature, so why in the middle do you make so much fuss? Why, in the middle, becoming so worried, so anxious, so ambitious - why create such despair? Nothingness to nothingness is the whole journey."

This perspective has become the understanding and foundation for this new segment of my life's journey and where I hold value. As someone who is very passionate, driven and values productivity, you can imagine how difficult this was and still is for me to truly settle into. I often have this feeling that if I am not taking action then I am just allowing my life to pass me by and wasting precious moments. The truth I now see is that these brief moments of stillness in between all the movement are as important if not more important, in any transformation process.

Recently, I had this reflection thrusted upon me. Often, when a series of challenging moments present themselves, it can feel like such "bad luck" however, this last week, I had the joy of truly connecting to the magic of things unfolding perfectly and exactly how they are meant to for the greater good, even when it feels counterproductive. My new perspective of "we'll see" (I will explain more on this in next week's blog), has transformed how I view moments like these. I have been able to shift my perspective of we'll see being a source of anxiety and uncertainty into trust that the unseen has something better in store than the trajectory that I am currently on. If something is not coming to fruition or taking form, that's because it isn't supposed to. All too often, I find myself in a state of imagining how I think things should go or would like them to go and then enjoy creating external efforting to create perceived certainty that it will come to fruition. I am understanding myself more and more now that it is simply my fear response to wanting life to be predictable because it feels safer. When I look back on the best, most life changing experiences (Becoming pregnant with my daughter being one of the most epic), they came as a complete surprise, and I couldn't have planned them better even if I wanted to.

I'm not sure if you noticed, but for the first time in 59 weeks, I did not post a blog! Although I had most of it written and ready to go, my kids and I came down with the stomach bug which left me out of commission for a few days. I noticed the feelings that started bubbling up within me because of this. Judgement, criticism, shame. I knew that I couldn't muster up the strength to push forward even if I wanted to, so I had to surrender to the process and allow the gap to be what it was.

As I felt the discomfort in my physical and emotional body, I focused on non-judgmentally watching all the stories in my mind and was able to witness my ego trying to take control of the situation. What does this mean for my business if I fall short of a commitment I'd made to myself and my readers? What does this say about who I am as a productive, driven person? What does this mean for my future and how can I just sit back and allow something like this to fall through the cracks? I could have and should have been more prepared. The question I kept asking myself was why did my ego so desperately want me to feel so bad about myself?

"All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience.

Something sacred is about to be born."

~ OSHO

My prayer and meditation through this were to surrender and allow. Find the comfort within discomfort. Witness the feelings and know they are nothing more than passing sensations and there is a reason why I am processing them. I connected with my higher power and asked to be blessed with peace of mind and love and grace in my heart so that I may see the truth of this moment. I knew the more I allowed and leaned in, the smoother the transition would be. When we resist, the lesson persists.

So much of this most recent chapter of my life has been about growth and expansion. This, I believe is the journey of the soul ~ to explore and experience life to its fullest, whatever that looks like for each of us. The part I realized over that week was how uncomfortable the in between is and how I desperately try to rid myself of that phase all together. I felt lost. When we are not doing, who are we? When we are not proclaiming, who are we? When we are not healing, who are we? Such an important phase of all of life is that gap in between segments. However, so many of us despise that stage.

• What if we began to look at things a little differently?

• What if we noticed these moments and held sacred space to just be how we are, whether that is cranky, angry, hallow, pessimistic, avoidant, sad, insecure?

• What if we opened our hearts to this stage and saw it as the alchemizing of everything we have been working on and allowed it to be our teacher, knowing what is revealed next will propel us forward?

• What if we just knew that everything was perfect and working out for our best interest and for the greater good of all?

• What if we were able to see the absolute, pure potential of these moments and not only lean in but begin to look forward to them and see them as the precious transformation of what is no longer serving us and has not yet become?

No amount of efforting can force things that aren't meant and relaxing into the flow and allowing life to unfold at a natural pace, will not prevent what is meant for our greater good. Do we need to hold strong to our values? Yes. Do we need to put in 20% of inspired action when we feel called to? Yes. Will the world fall apart if we don't show up for a few days or a week? Absolutely not! The divine design continues with or without our doing. It's just so much more enjoyable when we can see clearly, this co-creative process that we are a mere fragment of. How humbling and peaceful is this perspective?

All the love,

Pamela

Financial Wellness

Our financial situation has the power to fuel or deplete our overall health and wellness which is why it is one the twelve areas in the IIN Circle of Life. For myself, I have always believed I had a healthy relationship with money because I had grown so much from where I had come from and that I never worry about not being able to provide for myself and my family. However, if I looked at any other area of my life that way such as my physical health, I realize what low standards I have been holding. In no other area of my life do I hold a "good enough" attitude. I am always seeking to grow, expand and learn more, so why have I allowed myself to take this naive stance with money?

When I took a deep dive and looked inward, I realized that even though I was doing alright financially, subconsciously, I didn't have a healthy relationship with money. There was a piece of me that had quite a bit of negative associations with money and financial wealth and what it meant about who I am as a person. There can be so many confusing emotions and beliefs attached to our financial situation and what it means or says about us. When we allow our financial situation to dictate our self-worth it can have a massive impact on our overall wellness and health. One of the best lessons I had was learning to "neutralize the numbers" and put myself through an unemotional and non-judgmental analyzation of where I came from, how I got where I am now and where I would like to see myself. While doing this, knowing that none of this has any bearing on who I am as a person on a soul level, it allowed me to be more honest and authentic about my situation exactly as it was.

• What is my current relationship with money like?

• Is it easy to take and honest look at where I am or do difficult feelings and judgmental opinions surface?

• What feelings come up when I think about sitting down to take and honest look at the ebb and flow of my income and expenses?

• Do I have a clear budget to keep me honest and on target?

Money psychology plays a huge role in our financial wellness and is often formed in childhood. What is holding you back from living the life of your dreams? Surprisingly, it often it has far more to do with our feelings and beliefs than facts. What our relationship is with money, the feelings it provokes when we think or talk about it, what we believe having it or not having it says about us. This journey is a blog post all in itself like all inner child and shadow work!!

Taking the time to look back on your spending patterns and then create a conscious spending plan can help you think about your money being more about where and how you are using your energy and what brings you joy in life. Let's have fun with this.

“Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant.”

~P.T. Barnum

The truth is that no matter how much we make, most of us live to the edge of our means. Many people making six or even seven figures are living paycheck to paycheck! Money management and how you allocate your income is almost more valuable than how much you actually make.

The three main dimensions when you begin analyzing your financial wellness are your monthly income, expenses, and savings. Learning about the 50-30-20 Rule changed how I approached my budgeting and forced me to get real with myself. I saw where I had room for improvement and where I was doing well. This simple spending ratio created by Manisha Thakor, MBA, CFA, is a quick and easy way to get on track.

She believes that your spending after taxes, should be broken down like this:

• 50% towards needs ~ food, housing, transportation, bills

• 30% towards wants ~ activities, restaurants, vacations, concerts

• 20% towards savings ~ 10-12% for retirement, 8-10% for an emergency fund (or debt paydown first)
  

A surprising statistic I learned is that 9 out of 10 Americans are over extended, not on their wants, but in their needs. Spending more on buying a house or car that fits their style but stretches them beyond their financial means. I was quite surprised that the area I was the most imbalanced in was overspending in my needs as well and I knew I was under contributing towards my savings. I was immediately determined to get my "needs" under budget but at the same time, happy to see that I didn't have to compromise my lifestyle and the things that bring me joy (wants). I was right on target there. Joy based spending is a lifestyle and technique I have subscribed to and have found that is has transformed my feelings, insecurities, and confidence with spending money.

Spend guilt free on the things you love and that make you, in your eyes, a better more authentic version of yourself and cut dramatically down on the things that don't align with your values. I will forgo the new outfit or the new couch because for me, it is all about vacations and life experiences! With my kids, my partner, girls' trips and even solo self-development adventures. I always feel that I return more grateful for the life I live, have a broadened perspective and I always say, "it takes a break from my routines to forget who I think I am and remember who I actually am."

Looking at every dollar in and out, in all areas of spending does require ruthless honesty and a bit of work but is so worth it! I recommend taking three months of income and expenses (one quarter) and categorizing them as Needs, wants, and savings (debt paydown first). Where do you most value spending your time and are you utilizing your resources so that you are living your most abundant life?

At the end of the day, the truth is that I don't think any of us really care about money. It is merely paper in our hands and numbers on a screen. What we really care about is the feeling it will give us whether we have that magic number or not. It's our own personal value based on what we have created in our head of what "doing well" or "being wealthy" looks like. I believe it's more about living the live we want to live! What is that feeling for you? If you were living your best financially wealthy life, what would that look like? What are you looking for your money to make you feel? Freedom? Adventure? Peace of mind?

All money is, is an energy exchange. Your time or energy reimbursed with the US dollar. What is your time worth? How do you most value spending your moments in the day? Maybe it's time for some time budgeting alongside creating a conscious spending plan? Make every day and dollar mean something!

All the love,

Pamela