Breaking Old, and Creating New Patterns

Have you heard of the 21/90 rule? It states that it takes 21 days to make a habit and 90 days to make it a permanent lifestyle change. This is of course, like any wellness related situation, a very bio-individual experience. Some may have the ability to implement change more quickly while many may require much more time, but I think it is nice to have a baseline to work from when we are looking to make positive changes in our lives.

If you commit to your goal for 21 days, theoretically, it will become a habit. When you commit to and dedicate 90 days, you are now crossing the line into a permanent and sustainable lifestyle change! Nothing good comes over night and when we think about how long some of our "unhealthy" lifestyle choices have been deeply ingrained in us and are a part of who we have become, it is no wonder it would take at LEAST 90 days to have long lasting changes and effects. Like I have touched on in past blogs, people don't change based on what they know, they change based on how they feel. Getting in touch and in tune with our feelings and inner compass is, for me, always step one.

It is important to remember our long-term goals and intentions because maintaining change after the 90 days in not automatically set in stone. Roughly 25% of people return back to old habits after 3 months, 50% of the remaining revert after 6 months and after 1 year, over 80% of those people have let go of those healthy patterns! I was shocked when I learned this, but it was a reality check that helped keep me in line. It takes discipline. One helpful trick is to schedule daily self-check-ins to remind us of why we made these changes. All too often when we get to a place of balance, we can have a false perception that we can let go of the healthy choices we made that got us here because we have achieved our goals and intentions. The reality is that those choices ARE what got us to where we are and will continue to KEEP us here. They also create a foundation for the next layer of growth that will eventually find its way to us!

Another shocking statistic I learned was that only 20% of people are actually willing to change, 10% of people have or are changing and the other 70% of people are precontemplative!

Sticking to new routines and patterns can be challenging, especially during busy or stressful times. While change often feels chaotic and unpredictable, years of extensive research reveals that change is a process we can clearly understand. One evidence-based and widely implemented framework of change, specifically in relation to health behavior, is the Transtheoretical Model.

This model and its “stages of change” show that the process involves a series of steps we all go through when making or adjusting patterns.

The Stages of Change are:

1. Precontemplation-not ready to or consider making a change.

2. Contemplation-getting ready to change and becoming aware of the benefits.

3. Preparation (Determination)-ready to make change and beginning to make shifts to prepare for it.

4. Action-implementation of a behavior change and successfully taking action, but change is still new.

5. Maintenance-sustained new healthy changes for more than six months and recent changes become habitual.

6. Termination-people have successfully integrated the new change into their daily lifestyle. They are confident with the changes and do not feel tempted to return to old patterns.

Recycle is at the center of it all, this is when people return to a previous stage. This is a normal part of the change process and can occur at any point on the path to change. Change is rarely straightforward, and regression or repetition needs to occur before the process can move forward again. Often, we beat ourselves up during this stage of change, can feel defeated and the desire to give up sets in.

I offer this alternate perspective to help you see that this IS the process. Self-doubt is more damaging than slipping back on a change we are trying to implement. I invite you to hold space and compassion for yourself. Know you are a work in progress. Allow the discomfort, this is your body telling you it is craving the change and instead of subscribing to the negative self-talk and guilt, congratulate yourself for continuing your journey.

"Looking for truth? Observe people's habitual behavior patterns/cycles. The truth is in their patterns and cycles. Not so much their words."

~Lalah Delia

The reality of changing long-held habits and patterns of behavior can be scary, so this kind of change often requires courageous action. Despite how it’s often presented, change isn’t linear. It’s more like a winding path filled with obstacles and detours, and that path is different for everyone. I wish you all love, support and bravery on your individual journeys to your most fulfilled self!

All the love,

Pamela

New Moon In Leo August 16th 5:39 am EST

Discover the pleasures and joys of life with the New Moon in Leo!!

Journaling has become such a grounding part of my morning and evening routine. Ever since I was gifted with this book, I always look forward working with it when journaling on the full in the new moon!

From the The Power Wish, by Keiko, Japan's leading astrologer, she believes that new moons are a great time to set an intention. When journaling in regard to a new moon, she recommends beginning with an anchoring statement such as "I intend to" or "I intend for."

She writes that the energy of a New Moon in Leo is a great time to help you:

• Create the life you want

• Live boldly and confidently

• Transform an inferiority complex into an appreciation of your own uniqueness

• Become a great self-promoter

• Garner attention and acclaim

• Live a luxurious life

• Turn hobbies and things that you love into something you get paid for

• Spice up a monotonous life

• Lead a team or company

• Succeed in the entertainment industry

Some of the questions she offers to help you find clues when you don't know what to write about are:

• In what field would you like to shine?

• How would you introduce yourself?

• What is your greatest asset?

• If you have low self-esteem, why?

• What would you do if you could take a month off from work?

Tammy Kim of Body Plant Sky, adds insights particular to this month's New Moon:

"This new moon we all feel Leo in full effect! With the sun, moon, and Venus in conjunction squaring Uranus in taurus, be careful not to be too bullheaded, tensions might get high with no one willing to budge. The need for freedom in any form is heightened."

I love those questions. My imagination always soars when I start thinking out of the box! Ok, for starters:

I intend to feel the joy of self-expression, shine cheerfully, live boldly without hesitation, allow myself to be moved by the innocence and fun each day offers to me and smile often.

What do you intend?!

All the Love,

Pamela

Choices

One of the greatest gifts we have as humans is the opportunity for choices. Sometimes it can feel a bit overwhelming with so many options continuously thrown at us in all the media out there, but when we learn to connect with our authentic self, we come to realize that the road of choices narrows.

Possibly the most difficult and transformational decision of my life was to get a divorce. Not because I was conflicted about how I felt, but because I questioned if I could trust those feelings and I worried about how it would impact my life as I knew it and my children.

So often we allow our fear fueled feelings of what others might say or think about us, influence our decisions and we stay in situations that no longer serve us. Pushing through the fear of the unknown is so difficult and often we tell ourselves that changing is not an option, only because the fear of the unknown seems so much scarier than the discomfort of the current situation. Mix those feelings or worry and doubt in with the optimism that things can or will change or get better and it is no wonder why so many people stay in various situations longer than they should. It almost seems impossible at times. I want to bring attention to the reality that we always have a choice. Some of us are gifted with a life that we are born into that awards us more choices than others, but we all have the choice to decide who we want to show up as and how we want to view the world around us. Yes, I know, easier said than done, but nonetheless, we all have that choice. "There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere." ~ Nelson Mandela

"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." ~ Nelson Mandela

Every path we choose has a journey for us and the end "destination" isn't always the purpose of the experience. One of the hardest things to do is to acknowledge a that choice we made once upon a time, is no longer working for us or serving us, and we need to pivot or let it go. When we have worked so very hard on something that hasn't come to fruition in the way we hoped or expected, it is so easy to feel like we have failed or were defeated. I have had one of the greatest perspective shifts in these last two and a half years post-divorce, which was arguably the most emotionally and personally disruptive phases of my life, not because it was the wrong choice, but because a BIG choice creates BIG change. Change feels scary but scary doesn't mean bad. It is never too late to choose different and follow your heart and your gut.

"I never lose, I either win or learn." ~ Nelson Mandela

I am so grateful for the support system I have that helped keep me grounded during the challenging times and I am now, so unbelievably grateful for the struggles I have been through because we can't get the pearl without the agitation of a grain of sand. Sometimes that pearl takes a while to form but if we can keep perspective of the big picture, the discomfort is just a natural part of life that just needs to be weathered.

I love the yogi term, "find the comfort within discomfort." As is the truth with most yoga poses, such is life. The satisfaction of honoring ourselves and putting the work in makes the pearl so much more precious once we receive it.

So how, you might ask, do we make such difficult life changing choices? For me it started with just small choices. Like which route I would take to get to work. What side of the bed would I get up on. How did I move through my morning routine, which is typically consistent. The key is to just start somewhere small that doesn't feel epic or stressful. What you are teaching your nervous system is that different isn't scary and doesn't mean danger. The more you can ease your way into little choices, the more momentum you build for the bigger ones. Momentum builds confidence and confidence builds momentum. When we make different choices, we get different results. Internal growth and work are very important, and I personally have a daily routine to keep my growth mindset healthy but remember that unless we take physical action, they are just ideas and things will remain the same. We need to set that momentum into motion.

I quoted Nelson Mandela so many times in this post because his story teaches us that we always have a choice. Even when all signs point to hopelessness, we can always choose different if our current situation isn't serving us, even if it is as simple as choosing to shift our state of mind.

In simple closing, I will end with another quote from Nelson Mandela. "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fear." Share your love and light with the world and be your truest self, whatever that may be today, the world needs you!!

All the love,

Pamela