The Freedom of Unapologetically Being Yourself!

The word unapologetic can at first glance have a negative undertone. I am not talking about showing up and treating people how ever you want to, without concern or empathy for how you are potentially harming others and just having a cold perspective of "I am who I am". What I am speaking to is getting to know and connecting with your highest, most authentic self. Releasing painful traumas and patterns that no longer serve us, examine our values and beliefs to connect with our purpose and passions and then with an aligned authentic energy of love and being of service to all, just SHOW UP as you are. It may look differently than you expect or what other expect from you and knowing that that is ok. It's more than ok, it is beautiful.

How often do you allow your thoughts, words and actions to be guided by how you believe others perceive you? How often have you let your perception of what others may or may not think of you, determine the choices you made? We have all been there. When we decide to start living life on our terms is when the fun begins! When we use our relationships and personal experiences as an opportunity to connect to our values, examine where we are and how we are showing up, we are showing up as our most authentic self. How do we know when we have "done all the work" or "gotten there"? The truth is that we are never done, and we never arrive. Every day is an opportunity to get to peel back another layer and get to know ourselves a little better. Getting in-tune with ourselves and knowing our personal truth is an ongoing experiment but the more you quiet your mind and body to hold space and listen, we can begin to recognize the whispers and when we start listening on a regular basis, that is when the real magic happens!

We have all heard of and/or experienced "Imposter Syndrome". When we begin to look at life through the lens of transformation and infinite possibilities, it can feel exciting and empowering yet at the same time we can be filled with fear and self-doubt. Imposter syndrome is an internal belief that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. All this is, is a story your inner critic has created. Practicing challenging and silencing this false perception by grounding into your strengths and taking inventory of all the tangible proof that supports the contrary truths, can soften and eventually silence this voice. Or at the very least, with practice, you can get to a place hear the voice and just decide to take just one right action that proves that negative self-belief wrong and in doing so, rewire the neurological pathway to a fact driven perspective based on tangible facts.

Connecting with and honoring our inner child is a great place to start. When we connect with and honor our inner child, we can use our past to gain insight into our current emotional needs. We can deepen our healing journey and better know who we came into this world as before our life's experiences began forming how we show up for ourselves and others. Think back to your childhood. What did you love to do? What brought you the most joy? Being able to connect with the innocence and joy of childhood can be a gateway into healing and remembering who we authentically are.

Radical body acceptance is another layer of showing up authentically as you are. When we can truly love, appreciate and accept our body, as it is today, in the here and now, we gift ourselves with the freedom from distraction of hyper fixating on our physical body which allows us to be more present. A big part of this process requires stepping back and acknowledging all the factors that shaped our potentially limiting body image beliefs we hold. The good news is that we can break free from these influences and liberate ourselves! When we view ourselves with compassion and curiosity, and tune into our essence, we can remind ourselves that we are so much more than just our body. When we are nourishing ourselves on a multidimensional level; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, we can more easily feel our whole authentic self and come to love, care for and appreciate the body we were gifted with. Taking the time to deconstructing limiting beliefs are important to open up our full potential. Gaining perspective as to what these are and where they come from, is an important part of our journey so we can shift our thoughts and behaviors to a positive and supportive place that supports our personal transformation.

Beliefs, values and our personal experiences greatly shape our purpose. It is also a fluid and ever evolving process and will look different to everyone. When we create space with intention, we open ourselves to the opportunity to find our spark that will ignite our journey within.

When we uncover and connect with our purpose, we have the opportunity to create a deeply meaningful and fulfilling life. Using our gifts and passions to be of service to others creates a ripple effect of love and support for the greater good. This is an important aspect to finding optimal health and happiness. When we connect with and embrace the things in life that tap into what makes us feel most like our authentic self, we can inspire others to do the same.

Connecting with innate knowledge of ourselves and aligning with our truths, allow us to create a reality built on conditions that allow us to thrive! Getting to know and then honoring our bio-individual mental, physical, emotional and spiritual needs, often isn't an easy road but will always be fulfilling. When we take the time to get to know and nourish ourselves, it is an act of self-love and builds self-trust. When we take the time to get in touch with the deeper, more suppressed aspects of ourselves we can regulate and release that which no longer serves us and improve our overall health and happiness.

“A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live.” ~ Lao Tzu

Unapologetically being ourselves means knowing we are a work in progress. Knowing that we are doing our best with the information and understanding we have available to us in the present moment. It means we are putting attention and intention behind our words and actions that align with our core values. It means falling down and making mistakes and being vulnerable, knowing it is the journey to understanding ourselves in a new way. It is the deep understanding that we are all here on our own journeys and only we can connect with the path that is calling us. It is believing and trusting our intuition and following our gut. It means honoring ourselves and not allowing the perceived thoughts and feelings of others to deter us from what we know is right for us. It means not allowing societal norms make us shy away from a way of living that seems to call to us no matter how hard we try to ignore it. Show up as you are and do your best. You are the only you and this is the only lifetime you have, to embody the energy you have been gifted into this world with. Do not waste it!

Rumi said it best, may we all "Shine like the whole universe is yours."

Go out there and shine! There can never be too much light in the world!

All the love,

Pamela

Positive Psychology

I think we can all agree that everyone wants to be happy right? So then why isn't everyone? We all have preexisting beliefs of what we think about happiness, and I know we can all come up with a list of reasons why on any given day, it may be challenging to show up happy, but did you know that there is a Happiness Formula?! It states that 90% of our happiness is within our control?! So, how do we get there? If happiness is a state of mind, then joy may be the energy of deep fulfillment. There are so many things that tell us, either upfront or subliminally that "you have got to have this (fill in the blank, THING), it will make you happy". You may feel a temporary rush of excitement but when the dust settles, did it truly lead you to your authentic personal joy? The truth is, there's no one road and the journey is bio-individual and multidimensional but there are clear steps you can take to get you started on your journey to your personal relationship with Joy and fulfillment.

I share them below, give them a try!!

Positive psychology is a powerful joy-based approach to personal development and well-being. It focuses on building a life of meaning and purpose rather than dwelling on past events, personal shortcomings or trying to "fix" something within us. The truth is that authentically happy people make healthier life choices, which is why focusing on building a positive psychology practice is a soft, passive and yet highly effective way to find overall health and wellness.

Back to the Happiness Formula! H= S+C+V

Happiness = Genetic Set Points + External Circumstances + Voluntary Activities.

~ 50% of our happiness is linked to our genetic set points, which as we know with epigenetics and neuroplasticity, are malleable and flexible, which means we can alter these setpoints. Unlike height or eye color, you can change this baseline level of hardwired happiness. So mostly controllable or changeable!

Because of hedonic adaptation or the hedonic treadmill, we all have what is considered a "happiness baseline". Whether extremely positive or exciting events happen or something negative or tragic, we may swing temporarily from one end of the pendulum to the other, but we always return to our baseline level of happiness. With intention and discipline, you can alter your personal baseline! Isn't that so reassuring to know!!!

~ 10% of our happiness is linked to external circumstances. This speaks to the money, fame, popularity, status, health, kids, marriage. All of these put together only total 10% of your happiness. This is the smallest percentage of where our happiness comes from and ironically where most of us tend to focus most of our time when we are in search of fulfillment! So much effort and chasing for what we can see will only produce very limiting results of genuine fulfillment!

~ 40% of our happiness is from voluntary activities. This is where most of our potential for happiness lies. Happy people intentionally and consistently choose to engage in happiness provoking behaviors, such as activities, relationships, growth, spirituality, a specific way of thinking or intentionally not thinking and clearing the mind.

"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” ― Lao Tzu

Martin Seligman, a leading authority in the field of positive psychology, found there are three exercises that increase people’s happiness levels, even when performed for just one week. People were able to spike their happiness levels simply by doing the gratitude visit alone!

Try each of these following exercises I shared below, from my IIN treasures, and notice how your actions affect your thinking.

1. THREE BLESSINGS Research shows that you can increase happiness by focusing on the things you’re grateful for.

• Before going to bed, write down three good things that happened during the day.

• Then write down why each of them happened and how you felt as a result. Focus on being grateful for these events as you replay each one in your mind. Try keeping a dedicated Gratitude Journal so it’s all in one place. You can look through it whenever you need some uplifting reminders to help shift your focus.

2. GRATITUDE VISIT

• Think of someone who has done something important for you whom you have never properly thanked. In a letter, write down exactly what they did for you and the specific positive changes that occurred in your life because of their actions.

• Take care to write specific details. Write and revise it as many times as necessary. Polish the letter and make it shine! Concentrate on presentation. Handwrite it or use calligraphy. Feel free to include a picture or two. Use your personal creativity.

• If possible, meet with the person face-to-face and read the gratitude letter to them. Otherwise, call them or mail it. This is a very powerful activity. Don’t forget to bring tissues as the tears may flow.

3. PERSONAL STRENGTHS

• List your top five personal strengths. If you’re having trouble identifying your strengths, ask a trusted friend, family member, or loved one about the strengths they see in you.

• Think of ways you already use and demonstrate these strengths in your life. List them out next to each corresponding strength. For example, if one of your strengths is Social Intelligence, you may demonstrate this by adapting to a variety of social situations and helping others feel understood.

• Write down more ways you can use your top strengths in your life – be specific. For example, you can use your Perspective to help a friend reframe their outlook on a challenging situation they’re experiencing.

• Commit to using your strengths in a new way this week. Write down a plan for yourself so you’re clear on how you’ll proceed. For example, you can use your Creativity to make artwork, plan a fun weekend activity, or come up with an innovative solution to a challenge at work.

• After carrying out your plan, reflect on your experience. How did it feel to use your strengths in new ways? Repeat this exercise as often as you’d like.

Holding practices that support waking up and going to bed in a positive state of mind can have a huge impact on the rest of your day.

We often tend to project happiness into the future...."I'll be happy when I get that job, or make more money, or have the love of my life" Sound familiar? The problem is that when we hold this perspective, it travels with us to the future so when we get the "thing" we were waiting on to be happy, it never feels the way we expect and now happiness is once again something we are waiting for or chasing. We often tend to think that happiness is outside of us when the truth is, it has always been and will always, ONLY be within ourselves, not out in the world.

Happiness is the presence itself, the here and now. The future is fantasy, and the past is an emotional memory or projection of what was. The present moment is the only truth we have. Any distractions we allow to take us away from our present moment is only leading us away from our personal joy. Choose wisely how and with who you decide to share your precious present moment with.

All the love,

Pamela

The Three Cancers Of The Mind

Comparing, complaining, and criticizing. In his book, Think Like A Monk, Jay Shetty describes them as the "three cancers of the mind". We have ALL found ourselves in a time or place of our lives where we can't zoom out, see the big picture and we can feel stuck in a negative perspective which may lead to a little venting. I know I have been there! Understandable and very human! What we want to watch for is when this moment becomes a day and then colors our week which forms our month and now, we are stuck in a loop that has us boxed out of a positive mindset. They begin as a quick thought, then maybe we speak out loud about our opinion, to the person next to us, and then we can even begin to take actions that are influenced by this perspective. What we are essentially doing is labeling and categorizing things as good or bad, right or wrong. I love the analogy I once heard about viewing life more as a buffet. If we can approach people, places and things as options on the buffet, this perspective can possibly help us view them from a more neutral space. The options that don't interest us can just be passed by without complaining about them, comparing them to the choices we decided to put on our plates and then also realize there is no need to criticize the unappealing options and demand they be removed from the buffet.

“Every day we are assaulted by negativity,” Shetty writes. “No wonder we can’t help but dish it out as well as receive it.” It is not easy work maintaining a positive mindset and viewing the world from an optimistic lens, in the world we live in today, but once we bring awareness to something it allows us the opportunity to choose different.

What I love about writing these blogs is that it brings so much attention and intention to every topic I write about and once you shine a light on something it's almost impossible to not see it! I have noticed since reading his book, that it is so easy for big and small comparisons, complaints and criticism to just pop in unannounced or welcomed. It becomes somewhat of a game to spot them! changing our mindset and working on quieting the "three cancers of the mind,” can be a great way to make room for a more positive perspective and enjoy a joy-based life. This is a shift that includes our thoughts, words & actions, and requires ongoing practice.

"Don't compare your life to others. There is no comparison between the sun and the moon." ~ Buddha

Comparison ~

When we compare ourselves to others, it is often because there is something we see that touches on a deep seeded insecurity or something that we wish were different within or about ourselves and our own lives, that we may or may not be aware of. Why not spin this around? Instead of unconsciously falling down the path to a negative headspace, what if we simply took a moment to imagine all the things that person must have gone through to get where they are and send them love and kindness for their journey?

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." ~ William Arthur Ward

Complaining ~ The definition of complaining is the expression of dissatisfaction or annoyance about something. By its definition, there is nothing wrong with a moment of complaining. Feeling dissatisfied or annoyed is often the first step of growth or change! It can be the motivation that inspires an action for the cause. This differs from a chronic complainer. Someone who consistently vocalizes their disappointment with the various aspects of their life. This type of person is often unhappy and feels as if nothing is ever to their standards or good enough for them. Rather than look at the positive, a chronic complainer focuses on the negative. What if the next time you found yourself complaining about something, allow yourself the freedom to vent and express your dissatisfaction, but then come up with one action step you can take to help the problem at hand. No matter how big or small the action, being on the side of the solution rather than giving more energy and attention the problem, will have profound impact on your energy and how you feel about the topic. Even if all you can realistically do is send love and peace to those affected.

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.” ~ Daisaku Ikeda

Criticizing ~

Criticism is the construction of a judgement about the negative or positive qualities of someone or something. Expressing our opinions or dislike of a particular person situation or thing is often a part of our everyday lives. It is how we sort and sift through all the people, places and things that are put in front of us on a regular basis, and help us choose who, how and what we will fill our lives with! Where this can become detrimental to our happiness is when we attach a negatively formed opinion or projection. I wonder if the next time a criticism pops up, we could take the opportunity to notice where the thought was coming from. Is it coming from a place of neutral sorting, or from a place of projecting a fear-based judgement on a situation we may not have all of the information on. What if we took a second to look at that very same situation we were having a hard time accepting and tried to find just one thing we admired or at least find compassion.

We may not have the ability to control the thoughts, words, and actions of others but we do have control of how we think, what we say and who we then choose to show up as in the world and for those around us. What if the next time one of these cancers infected our mind, we used it as an opportunity to liberate ourselves and got to know ourselves better rather than keep the focus on what was taking place outside of us? I find when one of these pops up into my head, it helps to ask myself, what am I afraid of? What do I need to release? What is one action step I can take today to help me feel like I am turning around the negative self-believe or experience that is attached to this formed opinion.

None of us are perfect and no one lives a perfectly positive life, what fun would that be? For me, I find value in using every day as an opportunity to practice being more in alignment with my highest, most authentic self, which helps me see those challenging moments as an opportunity to peel back another layer of vulnerability and get brutally honest with myself.

Be mindful. Be grateful. Be positive. Be true. Be kind. ~ Roy T. Bennett

All the love,

Pamela