Gratitude

You know that saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone? All too often it takes losing something to realize how meaningful it was. When we can learn to appreciate and cherish what we have in the present moment, it can free us from the web of guilt or regret in the future and can allow us to fully immerse ourselves into the gifts that are offered to us with each conversion and every breath while we appreciate all that is, as it is.

In addition to being a thank you for the things in life that we have already received, gratitude is also the seed of joy, fulfillment and contentment. We can use Gratitude as the reset button in any moment to begin to shift our energetic state of being. When life is hard and challenging, it can be so easy to say, "what would anyone be grateful about in this situation or under these circumstances!" However, If you have the physical ability to take a deep breath in and out. There is something to be grateful for. If you have the privilege to call a friend to lean on in these difficult moments, there is something to be grateful for. If you are frustrated with your job and how you are treated at work, the fact that you have the ability to earn an income and support your loved ones, is something to be grateful for. The phrase "silver lining" can feel misleading to me because when searching for a positive, it doesn't always feel silver or shinny. Sometimes it's not about finding something positive in a challenging or tragic situation, sometimes it's just about finding something that is helping it sting a little bit less than it otherwise could. This attitude and perspective alone has the power to begin moving the momentum of our energy in a more positive direction and improve the quality of how experience the present moment, just as it is.

Viewing gratitude as being about grateful for what we have is very important, but what if it were more about feeling the fulfillment of the present moment, just how it is, regardless of the external circumstances. When we become intentional and deliberate with how we feel and show up, the incredible part about this reverse approach is that we have a hidden superpower to support us!

Due to our RAS (Reticular Activating System), we have the ability to bring in more of what we think about into our lives and less of what we are trying to move away from. This system is a network web formation of nerve cells deep in the brain stem. It plays a role in filtering in things that are important to you, into your awareness and filters out the things that are not. This network assists in interpreting incoming information and preps the brain for appropriate reaction. Have you ever played that game where you think of a specific model of car and then suddenly, you begin noticing that car everywhere you look? This system can work against us subconsciously, like if past traumas in our life have caused us to develop a victim mentality, it seems like everywhere we turn, people are taking advantage of us or try to use us. The good news is that when we are aware of what is taking place, we can actually use this to our advantage! This is where the power of gratitude comes in! When we begin noticing and embodying the essence of gratitude, we will see and receive more of it! When this is done consistently, we can reprogram our brains to search for the things we have to appreciate and be grateful for, once it becomes subconscious.

"A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being."

~ James E. Faust

I have recently taken it a step further. We can say words are just words but I also believe that different words carry different energies with them. Lately I have been setting an intention every day to notice something I cherish in each moment or segment throughout the day. I have always loved and connected with gratitude, but this word cherish, for me, has taken it to a whole new level. For example, yes, I am grateful for my kids, however, when I look at their faces and think about how much I truly cherish them, I instantly well up with emotion and just want to be of service to them in every way that I can. Feeling deep, heartful love and appreciation for at least one thing in every part of my day allows me to walk though my days and then later, reflect at the end of the day, with a fulfilled and peaceful heart.

Years ago, I was welcomed into a beautiful community here in Warren, where we would share a bi-weekly, potluck dinner with an intimate community of around 10-15 people. At the end of every meal, while we all sat at the table, we would go around and as we felt called to, talk about something we were grateful for. Not only was this a beautiful, vulnerable way to have meaningful heartfelt moments with friends, but it also created such a safe community to build intimate relationships, naturally. I did begin to notice that it also had me looking for moments of gratitude as I was walking through my week so that I could come to the table and have a story to share. I have adopted this practice in all my group settings, casual with friends or as part of my Becoming TULA workshops. I also integrated this as a daily practice after my meditation, before my journaling. I have a separate journal that I write at least 3 things my heart feels grateful for in that very moment, big or small.

I invite you to pause ~ Close your eyes, and notice ~ What is one thing you are grateful for in this moment? What is one thing you truly cherish, here and now? Feel that fulfillment and walk in its beauty, knowing that you are already on the journey of the life you have been dreaming of.

All the love,

Pamela

Radical Self-Love

I remember, about 15 years ago, having my first reiki session. This was when I began exploring the world of energy work, energy healing and spirituality from a non-religious place. It all felt so right and so true to the core of my being and I was like a wide-eyed child filled with wonder. In this session, when she was working on my solar plexus chakra, she told me that I needed to find love for myself. We are always told to love ourselves and at that time, I was so confused because I thought I did! I was so proud of the life I built for myself. I had a beautiful apartment, a wonderful job where I was on salary with all the benefits and continuously received promotions. I was in cosmetology school, pursuing my passion to become a hairstylist. I was engaged to man that, at that time, I thought was my knight in shining armor and had the best group of friends I could have asked for. I had a loving supportive family, how much more could I love myself? life was great! I asked her afterwards what she meant by that. It was then that my understanding of the difference between my internal world of self-love and my attachment of self-worth to my external world. I was blown wide open! It is so easy to fall victim to focusing on attaining the things that society tells us we should all want but when our internal vibration is not that of self-love, no amount of external attainment will feel satisfying. What we do, have and how we are being do not always resonate with our self-worth and the dissonance is undeniable when you tune in and listen. Fast forward less than a year and my life as I knew it, blew up in my face!

That relationship ended tragically to me, with him cheating on me, I took the leap to begin my career as a hairstylist once I completed school but in doing so, I left that comfortable, secure job with a fantastic company to take a 50% pay cut, no benefits and was an entry level assistant. To me, it seemed like I was moving backwards and that I had failed. Somehow, deep within my heart and soul, I knew this was the path that called to me and knew I had to listen, but my confidence and self-worth was at an all-time low. This period of my life was so challenging for me mentally and emotionally and I allowed what was happening in my life to feed into the limiting core belief that I wasn't worthy of that beautiful life and didn't deserve it. I had the pleasure of just "playing house" for that short time. That is when I began my long and ongoing journey to self-love and energy healing.

Within two years of that shift, I was thriving in a way that I couldn't have imagined. I could see in retrospect that the radical life shift and transition I went through was a blessing that I am SO grateful for. Back then, I would never have taken the time to begin to peel back the vulnerable layers of self-love, worth and discovery, if I hadn't been pushed to such despair. I didn't know it at the time but every step of the way, I was honoring myself and my authentic individual journey. This is the kind of perspective that honors and supports self-trust, self-respect and self-love.

To this day, I still struggle with moments of doubt, fear and unworthiness but because I have developed such an intimate relationship with myself, I quickly remind myself that self-worth is the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging regardless of external factors. This one understanding is often enough to start the snowball rolling in the right direction.

Radical self-love involves accepting yourself, caring for yourself, and knowing you are more than enough, and inherently worthy of love, respect and compassion. There is a distinct connection between self-love and your overall health and well-being as well. When we love, honor and respect ourselves, we tend to make more healthy life choices that align with our personal values. When we connect to our authentic self and learn how make our own rules, we can begin to create the health, career, and relationships we desire. Awareness of how our thoughts and feelings can have a huge impact on our relationship with ourselves is often all we need to begin to make shifts. It can improve our feelings around self-worth when we choose positive, supportive and compassionate self-talk and stop ourselves when we begin falling down the rabbit hole of negative self-talk.

Our relationship with our thoughts and feelings shapes our perception of our reality. When we allow the opposite to be true and let the impermanent circumstances of our external world dictate our self-worth and self-love, we fall victim to the ego and an inevitable crash. Committing to self-love is a journey of continuously meeting ourselves where we are, with compassion and taking the time to work through our complex recurring thoughts and feelings while offering ourselves grace and acceptance.

“Language shapes our identity, and it’s time to make what’s unconscious conscious and declare who we now choose to be.”

~ In Memory of Patricia Moreno

Our body is only a vehicle for who we are. Our external lifestyle is the playground we play in. Placing our self-worth and self-love on external factors will inevitably leave us feeling unfulfilled.

When we take the time to invest in ourselves, just as we would with any other relationship that is meaningful to us, we can connect with and see ourselves as the beautiful souls we came to this world as and begin to accept the magic that is waiting for us.

What if we began scheduling dates with ourselves like we would with a romantic interest? What if we gave ourselves the foot massage that we long to receive? What if when we were having a hard day, we took a moment, sat in silence and asked ourselves what we needed for care and support in that moment just as we would for our friends? What if we took ourselves out for a special treat when we reached a goal we set for ourselves, just as we would for a child? When we take time to nurture our relationship with self, sit with ourselves just as we are in all the glorious mess, we can begin to chip away at the walls we have built to "protect" ourselves from the "hurt" out in the world. All we are doing is hiding ourselves away and blocking ourselves from the blessings that are waiting for us. When we begin to allow the veils to drop and we can meet the so called "less than desirable" parts of ourselves with the unconditional love and support that a doting mother would show her child, the level of balance, peace and equanimity that begins to surface is more valuable than any fancy car or house. Not that there's anything wrong with enjoying the material world, just so long as we aren't attaching our self-worth to it.

“My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.”

~ Anaïs Nin

We are all inherently worthy of love and came into this world as nothing more than love and light. Anything contrasting this, is just junk we picked up along the way. Isn't time we put down the bags of doubt and unworthiness and walked free, in all our glory, just as we are intended to do?

All the love,

Pamela

Let Them Theory

If your friends go out to dinner or throw a fun party and don't invite you, let them. If people in your life don't reciprocate the time, care and energy you are putting into them, let them. If the person you are dating continues to not show up for you the way you need them too, let them. So many of us spend, or better yet, waste so much time and energy trying to change the actions of others, or analyze their intentions based on our expectations of who we believe them to be. When we release the false perception that we have any control of another human being, their actions, or any situation for that matter, we can begin relaxing into the reality that we are all doing our best with where we are. We are all living our individual journeys and the only control we have, is of our internal state of being. Mel Robbins posted a story on Instagram and spoke of this Let Them Theory. This simple phrase and perspective has altered how I approach so many situations now! When we accept this practice (I know, a VERY difficult truth to swallow) life begins to soften and we find ourselves able to live in the flow while standing in our own truth.

Letting someone show up as they are and letting someone make their choices does not mean you become a mat to be walked on and just have to accept how they behave or treat you. What this means is that you live and let live. When someone shows you who they are, believe them, and then check in with your authentic self and ask how you should handle, approach and proceed with the situation or individual based on what is best for you in your journey. When someone isn't showing up how you need them to show up, let them reveal themselves. Honor your truth and trust your inner knowing of who you are and what you need in your life and then you get to decide how you move forward. This path often takes honesty and vulnerability.

We know about the ego vs. higher self, the monk mind vs. monkey mind. Instead of letting situations where other people's choices and actions agitate us or seem faulty, what if we used this opportunity to check in with ourselves and see where this judgement or struggle is coming from? What if we practiced, slowing down, taking a pause, checking in with ourselves and asked where this judgement is coming from? Often if we take the time to ask and listen, we will get a clear answer. We may not always like or enjoy the self-reflective road we get taken down, but any journey to know ourselves better and release beliefs that no longer serve us, is a path to freedom.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

~ Lao Tzu

When we exert so much time and energy into trying to analyze or control the actions of others, all we are doing is distracting ourselves from the present moment and robbing ourselves of an opportunity to become more connected and in tune with the version of ourselves that is emerging. When we are able to remove the personal perception or attachment to another person's actions, we are able to see and respond to situations from a more vulnerable and authentic place.

What if we began to be grateful for these situations that poke our soft spots and instigate our triggers? With that perspective, we open ourselves up to see them as a blessing for the shadow within us that is ready and asking to be released? Spend your time and energy focusing on what you need and how you can support yourself with the feelings that are surfacing. Let others live the life they see fit for themselves. It is not a reflection of you. How you choose to internalize and respond, however, is a reflection and projection of who you are becoming. Next time you feel left out, disappointed or frustrated by the actions of another, ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Who do I want to show up as and what story am I going to tell myself?

One of my favorite analogies I use for the difficult people and situations in my life is the oyster can't make its pearl without the agitation of the sand. Be grateful for the sand in your life, they are creating the precious pearl within you.

All the love,

Pamela